What the Dickens!

Resting Sails - Schnitkunst by Nigel A.  JAMES

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An Unknown Destination

Sometimes, the wherever it is that we are going to turns out to be different from the expected; and sometimes we know nothing at all about our planned destinations. And, it was whilst reading Charles Dickens’s Nicholas Nickleby that I discovered, in a semi hidden backwater, the following anecdote.

Nicholas Nickleby, whilst on his way from London to Yorkshire, was involved in an accident. The coach upon which he was travelling overturned, and Nicholas Nickleby, being an outside passenger, was thrown into a snow drift. He and all the other passengers survived to tell the tale, and, whilst waiting in an inn for a new coach, one of the passengers, by means of making their wait more speedy and comfortable, told the following story.

There was, once upon-a-time, a German Baron, Baron Koeldwethout. He was a very happy man who spent most of time hunting, getting drunk, and generally having lots of good fun. But, one day, he started to get fed up with, what was, in reality, a very boring existence; and so, to cut a long story short, he got married.

But, 12 years later with a miserable never happy domineering wife and almost 13 noisy uncontrollable little barons and baronesses (one was still on the way) to keep and to feed, he discovered that he was sorely missing the life of revelry and drunkenness that he had sacrificed upon the altar of domestic happiness.

Things were bad; and, to add to it all, his money was spent. The only way out, he believed, was the bringing about of a premature end to his life; and, so, there he was, all alone with a bottle of wine, his knife to kill himself with, and a final pipe. But, he was not alone, for there, in the corner, was the genius of suicide!

It turned out, that the genius of suicide was a somewhat miserable apparition in a hurry. There were, after-all, many others waiting for him, and the next one on the list was a young man who had too much money! Upon hearing this, the Baron burst into laughter. How could someone kill himself because he had too much money? Totally absurd! And then the baron started thinking!

Was where he was about to go to better than where he was now? The genius of suicide was, without any doubt at all, not a very happy thing. What was everyone else like? The Baron changed his mind, and, after getting his life in order and becoming once again happy, died many years later.

And, what about Nicholas Nickleby? He resumed his journey and became an assistant in the school which belonged to the notorious alcoholic and child hater, Mr Wickford Squeers.

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