Some
time ago, I received the following letter from Builder Michael, an
old friend of mine in England, and I would like to share it with
you!
Dear
Nigel A JAMES,
It
happened last night. I was just thinking about where to jet-off to
next when the telephone rang. It was an old friend of mines wife, and
she was calling from Vienna in Austria, and, she had a problem!
And,
the thing that was worrying her, she told me, was a hole. In fact, as
she went on, in the whole of her life, she has never before been
confronted by such a hole - and the whole thing started about two
years ago, and, it’s been getting worse ever since. In fact the
whole thing is making a hole in her life!
Of
course, my first reaction was to question why a hole could create
such an enormous problem. Holes, after all, are, in fact, really
nothing at all. And, because they are all below ground level, they
are impossible to see, and, when you fall in them, you feel nothing
of the hole itself, only the ground at the bottom – which is, in
fact, not the hole any more, but the surface of the earth which is
deeper than that at the top of the hole where the whole thing used to
be before the digging began.
And
then my friend’s wife then put me right. The hole which is spoiling
the whole of her life, is, and unusually so, on ground level, and,
doesn’t go down because it goes up, and, because she can’t see
where it ends – unlike a hole in the ground – she can’t say how
high it goes up to – and – when one walks through it one doesn’t
land at the bottom, one keeps going on and on into nothing, so -
making the whole thing a hole that’s impossible to judge!
It
turned out that my friend’s wife was talking about the space where
their front garden fence used to be, but, disappeared after her
husband – my old friend- had decided to put up a new fence, and
that was some time ago.
The
old fence, I was told, was in such bad repair that a new one was
needed. But, things in Vienna aren’t easy. First of all – before
one is allowed to begin such a job – permission is needed to close
off the pavement. This was no problem, and neither was the second,
the permission to allow building materials to be off loaded directly
on to the road, and the third, also a bureaucratic hurdle, which was
needed for warning signs for traffic was just as simple. So far –
so-good – and all for a fence. But then came the winter!
Because
of the cold, the builder thought it wise to postpone the work until
spring. No problem. But, six months later, and wanting to begin, it
was discovered that the permission allowing for the closing of the
pavement had expired, and that the new permission wouldn’t be valid
before the permission to off load materials onto the road had
expired, too, meaning that the signs which were needed last year
would also be of no use because signs, anyway, are only valid between
the originally agreed upon dates, which, by now, were all very much
out of date!
And
so, the whole thing started again, and that was just one year ago.
But then came the builder’s holiday, and after that came the
autumn, and after that - because the permission for the warning
signs needed renewal – again – the materials weren’t delivered
before the permission for the closing off of the pavement expired
once again! And so it is that the hole is still there, and the whole
thing’s a mess – and my friend’s wife is just this side of
crazy!
Of
course, I told her, they should have done it in the English way! It
works every time and it’s simple. Just do the job, and, if by any
small chance, the authorities discover your lack of all necessary
formalities such as permission for this or for that, simply
apologise! Just do it and say sorry later! It woks every time! See
you next month – Yours, Builder Michael
