From
My English Country Garden
A letter from Builder Michael
I
have a little secret. I am not the only normal person in the world,
but also, without any doubt at all, the most intelligent as well.
This, I am sure, will come as no surprise to you, but, what is
surprising is the following – I am not the only person in the world
who has succeeded in expanding Einstein's theory of relativity into
something of practical use!
There
is one other person in the world, who, dare I say it, is possibly
even cleverer than I am! You will find it hard to believe, I know,
but it's true! Her name is Dagmar and she lives in Baden, a small
sleepy town in Austria. And Dagmar's thinking is far in advance of
anything that I have ever encountered. For she has developed her
own theory of time!
And,
not only is her theory good in theory (you understand what I mean!),
but it works perfectly well in practice in practice, too. And, the
amazing thing is, her theory not only slows down time, but it gives
you extra valuable hours as well. And, what is even more astonishing
– her theory is incredibly easy to put into practice. It's
simplicity itself. Just follow the following and you will always
succeed.
On
your way to a party, turn your watch back by 2 hours. You will now
be where you were 2 hours ago (in time I mean). This will not only
ensure your punctual arrival, but will also mean that you can have
your first drink 2 hours earlier than usual. Advantage number one.
What
happens next is of the greatest importance. After your first drink,
you then have to turn your watch forward by four hours. It is in
this action that the secret and mystery of Dagmar's theory lies!
Instead of being at the party for only twenty minutes (or as long as
it takes you to knock back your first G+T (Gin and Tonic)), you have
now been there for more than 4 hours – and – you are still sober!
Or, if you prefer to put it another way – how time flies when
you're enjoying yourself!
But,
now comes the real advantage. Instead of having to leave at midnight
to catch the last bus home, you can now stay until 4. The bus will
now be leaving at 5. You have given yourself an extra 4 hours, now
making a total of 6. In effect – you have doubled your time.
But,
the biggest advantage of all is the sleep that you will not now be
missing. After arriving home at 4.30 in the morning, you will find
that you will still have enough time to get a good night's sleep, at
least 8 hours, before it is time to get up again at 7.
so,
in total, what does this mean? It means that your evening and night
would have had at least 18 hours, and not just 12 as is normal.
Truly amazing and all very true. Some parties do seem to last for
ever, and others are over too soon. It's all a question of what's
good and what's bad. It's all relative. And, so what if you miss
your last bus? Wait for the first one of course. It will be leaving
at 5. But, what if you're Dagmar?
No
problem. It is still only 2, or, is it really 6? if you had arrived
at 4 – which was – in reality 6, and, after a drink it became 11,
what time is it now? I'm confused!
So,
what would Dagmar do now? Upon arriving home, she would turn her
watch back and sleep through the party that she had just arrived home
from! How very simple.
See
you next month, Builder Michael
Vocabulary
encounter-
begegnen
amazing
– erstaunlich
astonishing
- erstaunlich
to
knock back - schnell trinken
valuable
- wertvoll
