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Photo - Near The Top - by Aranka Acs
How Bad Can Bad Be? - Some short thoughts of guilt – by Nigel A. JAMES
John Lewis sat in the waiting room. Nervous. He was back once again at the beginning of a very long nightmare. A time of complications, lows, and humility, and, to some extent - still going on. Now, he had dared to come back. He'd had to. Complications had won. His cowardliness which had always got the better of him had suddenly gone. John sat and waited. He was alone. But, his feelings were still just as cowardly as ever. John Lewis was dreading the coming encounter. Would he be thrown out? Would he be scolded in public? Would he be scorned for what he had done? John Lewis was scared.
John Lewis tried to divert his attention. Trying to pretend that all was perfectly normal. The waiting room was just as it was 10 years before. There was only one new addition. A picture of the world – or – as John saw it – the destruction of a perfectly good map of the world. Grotesque. This was not at all John Lewis's taste. Maybe, this picture had been bought out of kindness. Help for a young struggling artist. Maybe! Contemplation. But, no help at all. John's waiting continued. He still felt the same. Back to the moment. Could it be that they might have forgotten him? Maybe, 10 years ago was too far in the past? John wasn't convinced. He had done something wrong. People have very long memories. His waiting continued.
From time-to-time people passed by. All hidden by masks and all very busy. Hurrying. Why was he being ignored? Not even a smile or a nod? Then, John Lewis slowed his thoughts down to a trot. What if? So what? Again and again, what if? Now, he was no longer able to think of new answers for his imaginary questions. And, he had even run out of questions. His imagination was dry. John Lewis was tired of it all. What if? John Lewis was about to find out.
The doctor passed by. He gave John a friendly greeting. The doctor, John believed, hadn't even recognized him. If he had, then things would have been different. Of this, John was convinced.
Another 20 minutes of waiting. John Lewis had to wait. No choice. Then came a nurse. she very politely asked John Lewis to go with her. They reached the surgery. No doctor. The nurse was friendly enough. Small talk. The weather and plans for the summer. Then, in walked the doctor. The moment of truth had arrived. The doctor seemed to be pleased to see John Lewis again. John Lewis started to apologize. With a firm wave of his hand, the doctor cut John Lewis short. It had all been too long ago. And, it had been nothing more than a book-keeping diversion. His money had come and John Lewis had suffered. That's how life was, and is, and always will be.
And, John Lewis was highly relieved. His worrying had all been for nothing. And, this is nothing unusual. Most people spend very much of their time worrying about imaginary hows and whys and what-ifs. All problems are people. Talking's the name of the game. It helps and works every time. Not knowing is the worst thing of all!
John Lewis sat where he was. Nervous. He was back once again at the beginning of a very long nightmare. A nightmare that should never have been! But, relief is a very nice thing. And, John Lewis went happily home!
